Style Invitational Week 1288: Your results may vary—write a funny disclaimer/warning Plus: How are dust bunnies like the World Cup? Our compare/contrast winners. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) by Pat Myers July 12 Email the author // (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winners of our contest to compare/contrast any two items on the list we gave) *“Do not let this bottle serve you as an inspiration to call your ex in a pathetic attempt to get back together. Some very fine grapes have died in the making of this wine. Show some respect.” * That disclaimer, shared all over the Internet and who knows where else, appears (in a photo, at least) on a bottle of “Soggy Bottom Boys Sauvignon Blanc 2012.” That particular vintage — or even the label — doesn’t seem to exist, alas. But that doesn’t make it any less useful as an inspiration for a contest, this one suggested by 65-time Loser Bill Spencer: *Write a funny disclaimer or warning for some product or service, * as in the example above that Bill showed us. Be sure not to say untrue bad things (at least that anyone could think was real) about a particular real person or organization; we don’t want to libel anyone. Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1288* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, courtesy of Loser Nan Reiner of South Florida, a *SnoBall Battle Pack:* “Create your own snow for all year round snowball fights.” Not only are the balls (which you make from a bag of powder) not cold; one of the ingredients is “Parfum (strawberry).” In Florida, you take what you can get, I suppose. And of course you’re wondering: Is there a warning on the package? Yup, nine lines of it, including DO NOT EAT. And it’s supposed to be a snowball. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 23; *results published Aug. 12 (online Aug. 9). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *THOUGHTS AND PAIRS: REPORT FROM WEEK 1284* ** Week 1284 was our perennial contest in which the Empress put up a list of random nouns (solicited from the Facebook group Style Invitational Devotees ) and asked you to explain how any two were similar, different or otherwise connected. “A deck of 51 cards” led to a slew of entries about Florida Man, Kim Jong Un or the Current Occupant “being short of a full deck,” and to Alex Ovechkin’s smile missing something as well. And then there were the valiant if convoluted efforts to make some connection, like: “Oscar Wilde: Penned ‘The Importance of Being Earnest.’ Roach Motel: Penned roaches, but also they import ants, if being earnest.” 4th place: How is*Florida Man* like *a pound of scrapple?* Both are usually cooked before breakfast. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) Snowballs in July, donated by Florida Woman. (VAT19.COM) 3rd place: A *Roach Motel* is like *a North Korean beach vacation: *Neither one has ever gotten a bad review from a guest. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) 2nd place and the coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside : How the *World Cup* is different from *dust bunnies:* In the World Cup you see Lionel Messi, and dust bunnies you see lyin’ all messy. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: The difference between*the print version of The Washington Post *and*Florida Man: *I'm happy to find one of them lying on my doorstep at 5 a.m. (Jerome Uher, Alexandria, Va.) Wishful linking: Honorable mentions *Dust bunnies* are often found under a bed. *Florida Man *is often found under arrest. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) The difference between an *emotional-support peacock *and *Justify’s tail:* When the peacock’s tail is raised, it reveals one of nature’s most beautiful sights. With the other, it’s a bit less inspiring. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.) A *North Korean beach vacation: *Better not grab that poster! *Justify’s tail: *Better not grab that posterior! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) *Alex Ovechkin’s smile* and an *emotional-support peacock:* They have approximately the same number of teeth. (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.) A *deck of 51 cards* and*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John *each contain a least a few deuces. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) For both the *World Cup *and a *North Korean beach vacation*, one of the main activities is taking a dive. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) The difference between the *World Cup* and *the new Duchess of Sussex *[the former Meghan Markle]: The World Cup has floppers, while the duchess is still a young woman. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) How are the *World Cup* and the new*Duchess of Sussex* the same? Neither has anything to do with America anymore. (Nick Semanko, Washington) *Dust bunnies* vs. a *North Korean beach vacation: *One’s bound to be found under your bed, with the other, you’re found bound and underfed. (Frank Osen) The difference between*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and *Justify’s tail:* One is found /above/ a horse’s arse. (David Smith, Stockton, Calif., traveling in Japan) The difference between *dust bunnies *and *Justify’s tail *is that my dust bunnies are more than three years old. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) *Cold, hard facts:* Shocks. An *emotional-support peacock: *Struts. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) Both the *new Duchess of Sussex *and the *print version of The Post *involve a splash of color on a whole lot of gray. (Duncan Stevens) The new*Duchess of Sussex *and the*print Post:* You won’t find either at Mike Pence’s lunch table. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) The *print Post* vs.*a pound of scrapple:* One uses a lot of ink, the other a lot of oink. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) *Cold, hard facts:* Dismal reality. *A Roach Motel:* Dismal realty. (Beverley Sharp) Neither the *Roach Motel* or *cold, hard facts *seem to have much checking out going on. (Edward Gordon, Austin) A *Roach Motel *vs. the *print Post: *The Post gets the job done faster. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis) The*print Post *vs. a *Roach Motel: *You might actually find a Roach Motel in a D.C. millennial’s kitchen. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) A *pound of scrapple *vs. *armpit hair: *You’ll never catch a European with a pound of Scrapple. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City, Md.) A *pound of scrapple *vs. an *emotional-support peacock:* If you’re really hungry, I suppose you could eat the peacock. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.) *A pound of Scrapple* vs. *Florida Man: *The pound of scrapple has more gray matter. (Tom Witte) *Edible glitter:* Messy. *The World Cup: *Messi. *Florida Man:* Methy. (Jesse Frankovich) *Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John *vs. an *emotional-support peacock:* One is the UTMOST KOREAN PLACE I CAN POOP! The other is an anagram of that. (Jesse Frankovich) A *coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside* vs.*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John: *One has a scary head sitting inside the mug; the other has a scary mug sitting inside the head. (Cathy Lamaze, Silver Spring, Md.) Unlike *Justify’s tail,* a *coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside *is going to belong to a Loser. (John Hutchins) *Dust bunnies* and *cold, hard facts *are both easily swept under the rug in the White House. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.; Stephen Dudzik; Frank Osen) *Cold, hard facts* and *Florida Man:* Both are certifiable. (Jesse Frankovich) *Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and *armpit hair:* No one has to pretend that armpit hair smells wonderful. (Duncan Stevens) *Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and a *deck of 51 cards:* You wouldn’t want to play Go Fish with either one. (Frank Osen) The *print Post *and *cold, hard facts*: Both are things the president doesn’t subscribe to. (Jesse Frankovich) *Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and the *print Post:* One is full of crap and one belongs to a great leader. — D.J.T., Washington (Cindi Rae Caron, Pawleys Island, S.C.) ** *Still running — deadline Monday, July 23: Our contest for song parodies about the news. See wapo.st/invite1287. *